Hello Readers, just going to plainly say this… Anxieties suck!
More and more people in today’s world experience anxiety, some times its just a random phase, or happens every once in a while, or for some it affects their life in a huge way. This year traumatic experiences and changes at home has made my underlying anxiety became the only emotion. Everything I did, anything I thought about had anxieties attached to it. I ended up as you know from previous blogs having anxiety attacks to full blown panic attacks.
It wasn’t the best experience I’ve ever gone through, when anxiety used to affect me it was easy enough to deal with it. Life got fairly busy and confronting so it became harder. In a way I’m glad to have gone through this, I learned new skills to calm myself down, you really have to talk yourself of a ledge here. You have to try and convince yourself that nothing bad is going to happen, nothing that is happening is life threatening. I end up going through a lot of fear, thinking today is my last day here.
I never knew how much this would consume me, and it is almost unbelievable to me that I’ve lost myself. I’ve lost parts of me that were more rational, lost parts of me that tells me who I am. The stress thinking about, and constantly consumed by these anxieties has recently made my mind sort of “shut down”. My unconscious mind just had enough and I became here, without being here. Sounds strange yeah? What happened was what I was seeing, I didn’t believe was real, and that I couldn’t feel many emotions, or concentrate on what I was doing. It became almost painful to concentrate or feel anything.
This just happening recently, It has taken a couple of weeks to accept it. It was freaky to say the least, but thinking about it and stressing about it, of course wasn’t helping. Many days have gone passed where it was difficult to really talk to anyone, or do anything like normal. I just had to get some information about what was going on. It called dissociation, it happens to people who have gone through a lot of stress and anxiety. There’s not a great deal of information about why, but its recommended to do the things that brings us back into our body, like doing physical exercise keeping calm. I’ve been doing that and I’m feeling more, “me”, again.
It doesn’t help, that thinking I’ve let myself get to this point. Where I’ve let myself be consumed by something I can’t control. It has added to depression, but I can’t let it keep consuming me, its affecting far too many things in my life. I want my life back, and that’s what happened one night, I thought, while I’m experiencing this dissociation, while my thoughts and emotions are taking a break. I thought I’m going to take this opportunity to have basically a holiday from my own anxieties. It turned out to be one of the more smart decisions I’ve made recently. When I did that I started doing things that had stopped me in the past, started being more who I used to be. It ended up helping a lot, I feel more myself again. I’m not completely out of the rabbit hole, there are some things still showing its ugly head, but it’s just a matter of practice when things feel down again, that I know I can pick myself up.
So anyone going through anxieties, just start small and keep practicing. Keep trying to accept what is happening and assure yourself things will be okay. Try and take your mind off your body, and focus on a TV Show, Movie or a Game. It will get easier. Do the things that you like, prove you are still you. It will get easier, and if it doesn’t go see your Doctor and see if you can get some help, even talking to someone like a psychologist who will give you heaps of information and help you with techniques to manage what is going on.
To the friends of people who are going through high anxiety, I say to to be patient with them. They aren’t themselves, they’ve lost parts of who they are due to it consuming them. Just be there for them, remind them who they are. Don’t ignore it, but certainly try and remain normal, that normality will remind them and put them back into the normal flow that their life was. It will help them practice how to manage, and when they are going through an attack, just listen to them, help talk them through it. They are going through a lot of fear that you might not understand, so don’t get scared yourself, just be strong for them as they will need it. They’ll pull through and with you by their side they will appreciate it a whole lot.
I certainly appreciate the friends that have seen me going through attacks, and they listened and kept being themselves. That normality, I was able to calm down and think more of what my friend was doing, than paying attention to all that fear and stress. There’s been days where my anxieties and fears have taken over, and I’ve pushed people away because I know I don’t want to deal with this, so why would they? They don’t need this affecting them as well, because they didn’t ask for it and they’ve got a life of their own filled with a lot of great things. I know its wrong, it is just what happens when your so far consumed, you become someone else essentially, certain feelings and emotions are not your own and do things you wouldn’t normally, but there’s one part of you that just wants to do at least one thing to protect who you care about.
So I say to them please don’t hate me for it, I know you care about me and I know it hurts seeing me this way. I don’t want to push away, I just don’t want to drag people down. I know that I was improving, these have been weeks where it got tough. I know I don’t have to do things alone, but I just care a whole lot about them. Thinking its easier for them to want to not talk to me, it really isn’t at all. It is just as hard for them as it is for me. I’ve got amazing people around me, and even when they don’t know it, they inspire me to want to beat this, and continue to stick around on this little planet of ours. I can’t promise things will be stable, or not complicated, I can just promise that I’m pushing harder each day to be the best I can once again.
So once again, Anxieties suck! But we can’t run from it, we just need to accept it and learn how to not let it consume who we are. Everyone is special in their own way, and its not worth losing it over something that doesn’t deserve our energy.